So many times at meetings concerned with addiction, new attendees state they are reluctant to disclose that their family member has fallen prey to substance abuse. Divulging this information is embarrassing and makes one feel like they did a poor job in raising a child or were the problem behind a spouse or relative. With all the burden and emotions, one carries with living with an active addict, they cannot fathom the idea of being criticized or judge as having contributed to the situation, even though in most cases they were never to blame. I’ve heard so many recovering addicts say that they alone were responsible. In fact, many say they had a wonderful childhood and never faulted their parents or family. It’s too bad that this feeling of guilt seems to immediately come in mind. If ever there is a need for support, matters of substance abuse certainly rise to the top. Even keeping parents on the same page can be difficult if one feels the other contributed to the problem. It cannot be stressed enough that support is a major step in the journey to sobriety.
Because my family had already traveled the journey to recovery and lost, we had no hesitation in speaking out to anyone asking that our son had fallen victim. No matter who it was, the family members, neighbors and co-workers, when questioned about how was our son, we immediately spoke up that he had become addicted to drugs. Because his battle started years before, there was not an abundant amount of resources or support as today due to the epidemic proportion throughout the country. Reluctance to speak up and reach out was more the choice. Today, I’ve found people immediately responded with sorrow, and sincere wishes that there was hope that he would be okay. Especially today, telling someone your son or daughter has fallen victim to drugs or alcohol, they know how serious the situation. Many have children themselves and because it has become so prevalent, there is a deep concern. They seem to join in the journey with you. They ask how he or she is doing, and hope he or she continues to continue to sobriety. They also want to know what steps you’ve taken. They want to collect as much firsthand information about addiction, knowing full well that their son or daughter may also become a victim. In a way it’s very helpful not only to you but to them as well to try and learn and understand all they can. Their concern and support help you. They contribute meaningful information they’ve found through social media or some actual happening in their own life. The more we can find out about this epidemic the better our understanding of what should we expect and how to deal with it.
In fact, I have found that most of those around you have some suspicion that there is a problem. You become reluctant to do the normal things you’ve done in the past. You’re quiet and avoid conversations with family and friends feeling that you might slip and let what you think is a secret come forth in the discussion. This addiction business consumes you day and night. It’s very difficult not show the stress involved with the daily heartache. If the one using drugs or alcohol or both as in many cases is in the house, things become even more evident. With the addict in the house the turmoil is consistent and takes its toll on those living with it. If the user has been sent away, in a facility or you have no idea where he or she is, the family and neighbors will no doubt ask about the absence. No matter how hard you try, the truth will eventually surface.
I’ve seen it again and again that people understand. They do not criticize or look down on you but rather sympathize with your situation. Most know full well that the next victim might be in their own family and most are grateful that they have escaped this tragedy. As no real answer has come forth as to why someone decides to choose this road or how to prevent it, we all realize the danger. There are steps that one can follow to make recovery successful but even those cannot guarantee active recovery and for how long. As long as this epidemic continues, there will be those that would rather bury the problem out of sight.
The bottom line or suggestion would be to be open about your crisis. It removes one more emotion you have to deal with. You have enough issues and in fact you may find your openness provides relief. Venting is essential to keep you from jumping overboard. Feedback can be helpful and if nothing more that understanding helps keep you focused. You’re not expected to rush out the door and tell the world you have a son or daughter that is using. The thought here is that there is benefit to sharing your troubles with others who care about you and yours. If they truly do care, they will be another source of support.